Expressing myself.

I have talked a lot about other people on this blog, and feel that it is now time to talk about me. I hope you don't mind...


When I was younger I dreamed of being the perfect individual. I would live next door to the rest of the family with my wife, 6 children, 6 dogs and a self-run Guinea Pig farm. The next step in growing up was realising the nonsense of this idea, and deciding instead that I would be a TV presenter, with maybe just the 3 children and dogs. Then puberty hit, and I lost all track of who I was, and what my dreams were. Indeed, I believed that dreams were just impossible hopes, never to be reached or completed. Finally, I began to learn who I was, what I liked, and what I didn't. I learnt that I had dreams, acheivable dreams, if I put in the hard work and effort. Nothing is impossible.

I began to learn that I wasn't going to be perfect, nor was anyone around me. Perfection, perhaps, is the exception to the 'Nothing is Impossible' rule.

I became a new person. I overcame some obstacles, and discovered new ones. I found that I had become out of touch with my emotions, and strived to become reconnected with them.

My first step was acceptance, of who I was and what I believed in. I'm still working on some of the larger elements of me, but have learnt more about my behaviour, and the way I must come across to others.

The major thing is that I get annoyed a lot. I'm not quite sure why, but little things seem to tick the frustration box constantly, and soon have me moaning away to myself. People I know, celebrities, experiences or news stories continously have me wound up and frustrated, leaving me feel like a tiny voice in front of a huge orchestra of annoyance.

They say that jealousy is a key reason to be annoyed, and in some cases I think this is true, even in a subconcious manner. As a person, I I am a bit of a perfectionist, and always strive to reach the highest potential. Thus, when I see a talentless imbecile making a tidy sum of cash for themselves on the telly, I do get annoyed. Why should this pea-brain with above-average looks rise to the top of the social food chain, whilst we who study hard, work hard and try their best in general, are left behind, spending tax money to watch these fortunate idiots.

I have recently taken to analysing my behaviour a lot more than usual, and indeed some of my own traits annoy me. For example, I pick up nuisance words constantly, and often find myself slipping the words 'Totes' 'Soz' or 'Booyah' into everyday conversation, without even realising that I do it. In doing so, I discovered that even I annoy myself.

People around me constantly get under my skin, be it by their behaviour, attitude or speech. The one key thing that gets me frustrated in seconds is arrogance. The sheer fact that somebody would think that they are better than somebody else, and flaunt this in front of them, just gets me angry. Nine times out of ten, the person is question is in fact a poor soul who hides behind a charade of being talented, and tries to climb higher by puting other people down. Even if you are better at something than somebody else, keep it to yourself and deal with it. Who has ever benefited from being an arrogant little twerp?

I never think of myself as being arrogant, but I would say I am far from humble. I'm definitely not perfect, and I don't know anybody who is. It's ironic that the human race seems to have a thirst for perfection, when it's the one thing that nobody has. Everyone has their own weaknesses, and flaws, and everyone wishes they were somebody else. We all dream of being that bit cleverer, or better looking, or richer, or better known. But we aren't. We are ourselves, and as I get older I am discovering that it's OK not to be perfect, and to accept myself for who I am, and what I am, which is, in my opinion, a  good thing.

Every so often, once or twice a month perhaps, I have one of those days that we all have, where we feel like nothing good is ever going to happen, and that we are stuck in an endless descent of misery and pain. The other 29 days though, are spent enjoying myself and making the most. I like to live for the day, because it could be the very last that I spend on Planet Earth, and I want to make it the best I can.

As long as you stay true to yourself, your morals, your hopes and your dreams, and take every second for granted, then your life will be the best you can ever hope for. And it's okay to get annoyed from time to time, or upset and frustrated. That's just a normal part of being human, as is laughing and smiling and all the other things we cherish.

I might not be perfect, but at least I can say that I'm finally happy with me, and that I just can't wait for the future. It's just going to be so much fun...